Prior to our wedding, King D and I created our family constitution as we had learnt in premarital counselling. This constitution comprised of set of rules/ agreements (to be agreed upon by both parties) governing the home.
Examples are number of children, family dynamics like allowing family live with you or not, employing live-in maids, conflict management, sexual preferences etc.
This is a practice that I highly recommend as it helps partners be on the same page.
One of our agreements was to never go to bed until we sort out any misunderstanding we have. Even the Bible says let not the sun go down on your anger, so it was only right to live by this.
Somewhere down the line, one blessed night we defied the rule and went to bed not in good terms. We disagreed and had tried to talk about it but it was rather complicating things. Body dey hot! It was midnight already! So we said you know what, let’s talk about this later.
When we woke up the next morning, we had our devotion and then spoke about the issue. Surprisingly this time we approached it in a calmer way and in no time we were giggling and laughing together again!
Why am I telling you this story? It’s not to water down that rule (we still live by it by God’s grace), but my focus is to actually encourage you to never be afraid to try again even when you goof up.
Many people will say things like “we have gone to bed in anger many times, that rule cannot work”, but I’m encouraging you to try again even if you’ve been married for decades.
You may have agreed never to raise your voices at each other and you have tried so hard to keep the flow and then one blessed day, here you both are shouting at the top of your voices. Go back to the drawing board and restrategize on ways to ensure it never happens again.
Do not give up on your home when you find yourself not abiding by the rules set. It’s a reminder that we are humans and sometimes need extra help of the Holy Spirit to make things work better.
Also, when your partner makes an effort despite their past mistakes, recognize their efforts, encourage them and don’t refer to their previous mistakes in a negative way.
The joy and fulfillment is not only in following the rules to a T, but that when we make mistakes we are humble enough to realise it and then strong enough to try again!
P.S: This doesn’t apply to cases of domestic violence and infidelity. Pls see a counselor.
Written by Olabisi David
Presented by Damilare Mike David
written for REGEN
