“Don’t cry my love, i know you do believe in destiny. This was destined to happen and nothing would have stopped it from happening” Emmanuel whispered to me, but i really was inconsolable because i knew what i did was beyond pardon.
“How do i face Samuel after this? How do i stand in his presence, what will be his reaction when he finds out” i wondered sorrowfully.
“Baby stop crying, the deed has already been done, it’s now left for us to mend the rest” he pleaded,
“And how do you suggest we do that?” i asked with tears.
“I’m very serious about marrying you, all i need is just your consent, leave the rest for me, it will be history in no time” he begged passionately.
“I can handle myself. I perfectly knew what i was doing when we made love”I said to myself like a lost soul.
“Oh Mary stop talking nonsense” he consoled and kissed my hair, “We are in this together, count on me for anything” he spoke calmly, making me stare into his eyes. I saw sincerity, fear and uncertainty in them.
“All i want is for you to be the mother of my children, i say this with all sincerity, open your soul to me baby. I need not only your body, but your soul and spirit as well, please make me yours” he begged.
“Emmanuel please let me be, i’m still very troubled and confused” i sobbed.
“Why is it so difficult for you to accept me my dear why?” he asked eagerly,
“Because i owe Samuel a lot, he was by my side when you abandoned me, filled my spirit when i was weak, and defended me when you weren’t there” i poured out. He instantly blushed,
“I may not be very much in love with him like i used to, but i’ll still be loyal to him till he sets me free” i added, while he stared at me with a coloured face.
“What nonsense are you saying?” he asked curiously with trembling lips,
“I’ll be very honest with him, i’ll confess everything that happened tonight once i go back to my lodge tomorrow. If he breaks up with me over it, so be it, you can then have your chance” i promised, leaving him in a terrible shock.
“Are you out of your mind or what, surely he will end things with you but i don’t think he will let you go without first breaking your head, the fury of a cheated guy is very enormous my dear, are you trying to kill yourself?, Mary what has come over you?” he asked anxiously. I smiled painfully and shook my head.
“That’s the only atonement i can offer, if he kills me over it then you know we weren’t destined to be together. Whatever will be will be, my life is already messed up, i have no reason to fear anymore” i murmured. He quietly stood up with a very terrible sick look and shrugged.
“Alright let’s see how it plays out, but my dear i think you are not okay, your grief has affected you badly” he murmured sadly.
“Whatever is written can never be changed, if something happens to me, then know it was destined to happen” i replied with a weak smile. He nervously dressed up and left without another word. So very shaken he was as he left the room that fateful night.
“MY God hope i’m not insane?” i prayed as i waited for Monday…..
MONDAY 7:15AM
Emmanuel dropped me in front of my lodge. I thanked him, opened the front passenger’s door and tried to alight, but he quickly grabbed my left hand and stared at me.
“please Mary i beg you, don’t do anything silly” he pleaded. I smiled and shook my head,
“As for my confession, i will go ahead with it. Don’t you worry about me Emmanuel, i can perfectly take good care of myself” i assured him before alighting.
Walking into my room, i rehearsed all i planned to tell Samuel. It really wasn’t easy making up my mind for such deed, but like i told Emmanuel, ‘nothing would stop me from going ahead with it’.
Just like fate would have it, i ran into Samuel at the staircase, he was going downstairs to fetch water but instantly froze when he saw me. There was suspicion and relief in his eyes as they fell on me, while i nervously returned his look and greeted him.
“Mary where are you coming from?? I know you aren’t coming from your house?” he asked inquisitively.
“Of course i’m not coming from home” i replied quietly, left him and climbed the stairs. He quickly followed me, abandoning the water he was on his way to get.
“So where went you?” he asked when we got to my room.
“Do you really want to know?” i asked calmly as i sat on my bed. He stood beside me, scanning me intently with his eyes.
“Do i still owe you any explanation concerning my movements? Isn’t our relationship officially over?” i asked with a dirty smile. He scoffed and bit his lips
“I see you are trying very much to harden your heart, no problem but i still insist to know” he muttered.
“Alright since you insist, i spent my Sunday at Emmanuel’s family house and i’m just coming from there” i opened up coldly. His face instantly coloured. There was shock, pain, disbelief and sadness in his eyes as he stared at me.
“No it’s not true” he murmured with a broken voice, sat on my bed and covered his face with his palms. He never cried out but i knew he weeped in his heart.
I stared at him clueless on what next to say nor how to behave towards him. He sat with his face covered for about fifteen minutes before composing himself and drawing close to me once again.
“Did he, did he touch, touch you?” he nervously asked. I was instantly torn between telling him the truth or lying to him. My confusion left me silent which equally confirmed his fear.
“Choi Mary, why, why nau??” he asked murderously with unshed tears melting his eyes. I was unable to stand his voice nor gaze any longer. I quietly stood up and backed him.
“I don’t deserve you Samuel, i really do care about you, but i don’t understand my flesh anymore nor the cravings in my heart. Please free yourself from this torment and permit me to get another girl for you” i prayed with a fast pounding heart. But all he did was just to shed his tears which he very much struggled to hold, silently on my bed. I was very touched and would have cried beside him if not that i wanted him to let me out of his life.
Patiently i waited for him to come around. I knew only one thing could happen that moment. Either he ends it like a man or ends up humiliating me. No matter which he chooses, i knew nothing would make him want to continue with me.
Only a woman has the ability to send a great man to his grave without lifting a finger.
“But what really took you to his house?” Samuel asked minutes later, after cleaning his eyes.
“His mum invited me for a little chat, but when i got there a heavy rain broke out and i was forced to spend the night with them” i answered calmly. He swallowed hard with pain, his eyes soaked once again with tears.
I really was uncomfortable watching him cry, i never knew guys do cry for love nor cry in such undignifying manner. Yes i was very touched, but his tears only drew out pity from me. Nothing more, nothing less.
I knew he was very hurt and disappointed, but all i eagerly waited was for him to cut the last rope loosely binding us.
“What do i do now?” he murmured unhappily,
“It’s very obvious i do not deserve you, please purge me from you heart and permit me to find a suitable girl for you” i begged calmly. He breathed deeply and covered his face again.
“Seriously Mary, i don’t know why all these are happening, we have a great relationship going between us, and now you are breaking my heart and making me the laughing stock of everyone. I hate to love you” he poured out bitterly, while i closed my eyes as his furious words registered in me.
“I gave you everything you wanted and you are now paying me back with this unjust behaviour, it’s very unfair” he cried and stood up.
I anxiously stared at him with my hopes up. I was very sure he was about leaving my life for good. My eyes melted as i watched him walk to the door. Truly he never deserved such treatment.
He silently stood beside my door with his left hand on the door knob for some minutes, before turning to face me once again. He stared intensely at me for a while before advancing towards me with an unhappy look.
“I can’t walk out from your life because of this single mistake Mary, we have been together for a long while and you haven’t given me cause to complain till Emmanuel showed up. I still do love you, let’s just forget everything and start afresh. I know you are acting the way you do because you are very confused, however i do appreciate your honesty, not every girl will confess such a horrible deed. I do prefer the devil i know than the saint i don’t know. I still do love you, let’s start all over again and put all that has happened these past few weeks behind us” he calmly said with a broken voice and eyes filled with tears, as he squatted by my side. I was deeply stunned, shocked, surprised and moved.
I never expected such response from him. It truly left me a bit relieved, disappointed and happy. Infact my confusion reached its peak that moment.
I WAS LOST
-To be continued-
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