Have you ever been in a situation with your partner where you both have a different perspective to an issue and when you critically analyze it, there is no wrong perspective?
This chicken or egg scenario is common in marriages. It refers to instances where couples struggle to meet the needs of one another. If not handled properly, it can lead to an unnecessarily prolonged conflict.
For instance, a couple is feeling distant from each other. Husband needs physical intimacy to close the emotional gap while wife on the other hand needs emotional closeness for physical intimacy between them. None of them has a wrong need.
Another common example is when one party is trying so hard to feel more understood and the other party is demanding they express things in a softer manner. At this point, for instance the wife who feels misunderstood would insist that her hubby is still not getting her point, she wants to feel heard and understood. Then the husband is also claiming that she’s not ready, when she’s ready she’ll use better words and calmer tone.
This back and forth most times would expand issues and create more friction.
I strongly advise that in times like this, it’s best for each person to take a step back, take a moment to evaluate the situation from the other person’s perspective. See it through their own lens and put yourself in the shoes of your partner. This, as simple as it sounds is very hard to do!
But if we can look beyond our personal preference or ego, we’ll fast be on the way to resolution.
Love and marriage entails sacrifice, putting each other’s needs ahead of yours. Selfishness is one of the fastest destroyer of marriage. Marriage is a call to serve and only the selfless can reap the fruit of marriage.
God’s intention is for us as lovers to be deeply involved in loving and serving our partner as they do the same. That way each person’s needs are met without any hassles. Problem arises when this becomes one-sided and then the serving partner feels used or withdraws altogether.
There’s no right or wrong way, just the love way. One important question to ask yourself often is “how can I love my spouse better? How can I be of help to him/her?” Make love and service to one another a major part of your relationship with each other and watch how decisions become easier to make and how seamless loving each other can be!
May the Holy Spirit help us to be full of love in and out of season
Written by Olabisi David
Presented by Damilare Mike David
written for REGEN
