I really couldnβt sleep that Sunday, the next day nor the day after, as my body, soul and spirit revolted. They clashed and fought each other for supremacy over the control of my heart. I was terribly lost, dejected and confused. I really couldnβt believe i was thinking over Emmanuelβs request, nor considering seeing him again.
βAm i still in love with him?, why am i having all these confusions in my head??, what of Samuel?? Ainβt i supposed to think only of him, am i mentally sick or what??β i kept asking myself as i searched my mind for hidden answers.
βAm i even in love with Samuel, or am i just using the poor boy to satisfy my lonely self? Chie i don dieβ i do end up crying with guilt, disbelief and remorse.
I had no one to share my problems with, and Mariam who could have helped, really proved to be on Samuelβs side, so i feared she might report everything to him, if i should open up to her.
The week slowly crept by without Emmanuel showing up nor disturbing me. I tried my best to make good use of my time, concentrated on my studies and returned Emmanuelβs love. It really helped me get back some of my confidence, but at night it really was a terrible story. Emmanuelβs image kept appearing in my head.
As a girl i carried my secrets without revealing nothing to anyone. If Samuel noticed the change in me, he never showed it nor asked any probing questions. I equally avoided Mariam to the extent i only saw her only thrice that week.
10AM SATURDAY MORNING
I was on my way to my hair dresserβs salon when i ran into Emmanuel at the hostel gate.
βWhy are you here?β i asked coldly. He just smiled and stared at me all over.
βI came to see you my dear, good morningβ he murmured. I sighed, pushed him out of my way and walked towards my destination. He instantly ran and held my right hand strongly.
βWhere are you going? I can drop youβ he offered and pointed to an ash -coloured Nissan Primera car.
βYou wan show me say you don buy old model car abi??β I scoffed, gave him an askance look and tried to continue with my journey, but he still held me strongly and stared into my eyes pleadingly.
βPlease it wonβt do you any harm, moreover we can discuss as i drive you to where ever you are goingβ he pleaded. I breathed deeply, looked around, saw no familar face within the premises, and nodded,
βAlright, but i will never enter your car ever againβ i muttered,
βNo wahala, thanks dearβ he accepted happily, rushed to his car, opened the passengerβs door, helped me in, sat on the driverβs seat, switched on his car engine, backed out the car and stared at me searchingly.
βYou can drive to Doraβs salon, i want to re-touch my hairβ i commanded. He smiled, floored the accelerator and drove towards Doraβs salon.
βI never knew you still patronize her, i thought you always complained that she cuts your hair each time she touches it??β he asked. I looked away and smiled to myself.
βSo he still do remember how i complained about Dora during the days we were together, years agoβ i reasoned with disbelief.
We soon arrived at the hair dressing salon. He parked his car on a good spot, killed the engine and stared at me.
βI will wait for youβ he murmured,
βNo donβt bother, thanksβ i replied a bit coldly,
βI insist dearβ he strongly added. I breathed deeply, shrugged and got out from his car.
βWhy do i always end up playing this dirty game with him, how will all these end?β i wondered as i walked into the salon.
He sat in his car and waited for me, while i sat in the salon and kept praying to Mother Mary to help, guide and protect me from the dangerous path i was walking intoβ¦
A womanβs life is very complicated and uncertain, but male folks never seem to understand or noticeβ¦
_______________________
βEmmanuel we can never be together again, all i can offer you this moment is only friendship, how many times do you want me to repeat this, please stop wasting your time with me and search for anotherβ i pleaded quietly as we headed back to my lodge after i was done fixing my hair.
He frowned slightly, stared at me for a while and drove on silently.
Thinking over everything as i fixed my hair, i came to the conclusion that perhaps i wasnβt destined to be with him, because i really didnβt see any good reason why he even abandoned me in the first place. Yet i also couldnβt deny that i wasnβt feeling something for him, even though it wasnβt strong enough to make me risk my relationship with Samuel.
Emmanuel drove on silently until we got to my lodge. He killed the car engine and stared at me pointedly,
βAtleast can i have your phone number pleaseβ he begged,
βNo Emmanuel i canβt, i really do need to forget everything about you and so do youβ i confessed. He swallowed hard, drew a bit closer and held my left hand softly.https://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/ads?client=ca-pub-6181959399492699&output=html&h=300&slotname=2430043962&adk=3135335420&adf=2162423413&w=360&ebfa=1&lmt=1593282347&rafmt=1&psa=1&guci=2.2.0.0.2.2.0.0&format=360×300&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gospelbreed.com%2F2016%2F01%2Fstory-common-mistakes-ladies-make-in-a-relationship-episode-24%2F&flash=0&fwr=1&rpe=1&resp_fmts=3&sfro=1&wgl=1&adsid=ChAI8Nzb9wUQgY_F0bjEpYs-EkwA3JTz9OaWJ-v7e4dw-MChfngTjjGz3BKsq5S-OWZUMpBHls1UDnCQQgJQSx8U9xINkPw9EzM80qr_tGi5tLIHs0ghqM-P3X6tTN0O&dt=1593282286233&bpp=20&bdt=952&idt=1173&shv=r20200624&cbv=r20190131&ptt=9&saldr=aa&abxe=1&cookie=ID%3D2b2b98b598166595%3AT%3D1583215786%3AS%3DALNI_Mag_IEtP4dmC3grAo7Z7fol2brhSA&prev_fmts=0x0%2C360x90_as%2C360x788&prev_slotnames=3619009969&nras=3&correlator=530979064653&frm=20&pv=1&ga_vid=1986428501.1583215776&ga_sid=1593282287&ga_hid=1768759808&ga_fc=0&iag=0&icsg=144053187021482&dssz=45&mdo=0&mso=0&u_tz=60&u_his=1&u_java=0&u_h=750&u_w=360&u_ah=750&u_aw=360&u_cd=24&u_nplug=0&u_nmime=0&adx=0&ady=4460&biw=360&bih=610&scr_x=0&scr_y=273&eid=21066429%2C21066468%2C21066485&oid=3&psts=AGkb-H_I1OwvSeSZ-nOkVkwhl9Zo_iLb81VoMTc4lNO4fTC4eV1NNxELuA%2CAGkb-H8AvU6xI0EsU2eS7_JwrVlHRmUZR0SE_Ir7P3p7SQvLzHKtlVqEtV-KKyGDEKySd3R7CuQTeI7Ti9B987YSFw&pvsid=130553672553045&pem=162&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gospelbreed.com%2F2016%2F01%2Fstory-common-mistakes-ladies-make-in-a-relationship-episode-23%2F&rx=0&eae=0&fc=1924&brdim=0%2C0%2C0%2C0%2C360%2C0%2C360%2C610%2C360%2C610&vis=1&rsz=%7C%7CeEbr%7C&abl=CS&pfx=0&fu=8336&bc=23&jar=2020-06-27-16&ifi=2&uci=a!2&btvi=4&fsb=1&xpc=WPf9FQpNGB&p=http%3A//www.gospelbreed.com&dtd=61367
βWhy are you resisting me so strongly?β he asked quietly.
βYou are not giving me fair hearing, please allow me to explain why i kept away from youβ he begged.
βNo explanation can justify what you did, please i beg of you, stop disturbing meβ i pleaded, snatched my hand from his grasp and ran out of his car. He quickly followed me, but unluckily for me, i ran into Samuel who was standing beside the hostel gate with an empty galon in his hand.
I panicked and gasped, while Emmanuel equally stopped, stared at us for a while, turned back, entered his car and drove off as if he understood.
Samuel silently stared at me with surprise. I really was at lost on what to say or how to explain myself, because he clearly saw both of us even before we did see him, and i knew there is no way he wouldnβt put the whole scene together.
I quickly ran to my room without saying anything to him, expecting him to run after me, but he didnβt, instead went ahead with his own business.
______
I rushed and prepared beans for lunch as i waited for him to show up, perhaps to demand for an explanation. But he didnβt, which further surprised and alarmed me.
_____
AN HOUR AND HALF LATER
With a fast beating heart, i dutifully carried two plates of beans to Samuelβs room.
Since he failed to show up and have his lunch in mine, i had no choice than to take the food to his room.
He allowed me into his room with a sneer on his face, while i smiled nervously as i dropped the two plates on the rug.
βCan you explain the scene i just witnessed hours ago?β he instantly asked coldly. I swallowed hard and stared at him, clueless on how to explain the scene Emmanuel and i created. I remorsefully looked down and said nothing.
Surprisingly, he advanced and pushed me violently. I fell and somersaulted on his bed, while his fist closed in on me before i could even recover from the shock his violent push gave me. I held my breathe and closed my eyes.
Samuel isnβt a violent person, I guess it was all my fault. Yet i felt very bitter and blamed him for concluding without proper investigation.
I closed my eyes as i nervously waited for his fist to land on me. But after waiting for some seconds, i opened my eyes and saw him staring at me with hatred and rage.
I instantly turned and attempted to run back to my room. He grabbed my hand and violently tossed me back on his bed.
βWhat has come over you, control yourself jor, things are really not as they seemβ i murmured as i struggled with him, trying to defend myself. He just scoffed, shook his head and bit his lips.
βI know what i saw Mary, or were my eyes lying when i saw you alight from that guyβs car, or was i dreaming, abeg tell me?β he shouted angrily,
βI have been a fool to believe your cooked and bull story about ending things with him your own way, i guess you were doing it perfectly this afternoon or do you want to tell me the guy i saw isnβt your ex, eeh??β he barked
βLet me be jor, i see you havenβt learnt to trust me after all i sacrificed in this relationshipβ i shouted back, sat up and dared him.
βTrust is a silly word you girls use to deceive us, Mary i donβt trust you anymoreβ he said coldly and bluntly. I felt insulted, dirty and wounded. I never knew a day would come when Samuel will talk back at me more or less insult and humiliate me in such manner.
βWhat did you just say?β i asked angrily,
βYour recent behaviours arenβt in anyway decent, i donβt trust you my dear, read my lipsβ he shouted disrespectfully. I drew forward, slapped him and jumped out of his bed.
βSince you no longer trust me, better keep away from meβ i barked angrily,
βI guess you have gotten the opportunity you are waiting for huh? You are now free to run into his armsβ he taunted. I stared at him with tears in my eyes.
βI have my pride and dignity, i will never be insulted nor humiliated by anyone not even by you, donβt come back beggingβ i threatened and left his room.
I hated myself as i cried and ran to my room that moment, but it was the only thing i could do,
βHow do i redeem myself, why is Samuel behaving this way, how do i atone for my sins, is it my fault that i still feel something for Emmanuel, didnβt i do the right thing by refusing his advances, why am i being punished this way? GOD why??β i cried..
-To be continued-
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