(Funmi had called Ebuka severally to pick her up from the park to no avail, so she decided to take a cab home. she knocked on the door and Nkechi opened the door for her)
FUNMI: where is your brother??
NKECHI: calm down, woman! a hello would be a good start!
FUNMI: oh sorry my dear! I’m just worried because I rang him endlessly. he was supposed to pick me up.
good day
NKECHI: well, it’s not very unusual not to get a response when you ring someone on phone! stop acting like someone died!
FUNMI:I don’t even have your time this morning (walks briskly upstairs into their bedroom where Ebuka was getting dressed)
did you not see my calls??
EBUKA: (Ignores her and carries on adjusting his ties in front of the mirror )
FUNMI: stop ignoring me! I am talking to you! I only went to Lagos to see my poorly mother! why didn’t you come to pick me up from the park, like we agreed!
EBUKA: you got yourself safely home, right? so no damage done! get out of my way (pushes her aside and walks away)
FUNMI: ( nearly falls over) Jesu! Ebuka, you’ll hurt me!! what’s your problem! (walks into Nkechi’s room) Nkechi, what’s happening? your brother is not talking to me!
NKECHI: not sure about you Yorubas, but Igbo parents raise their children never to interfere in matters between husband and wife. a third party should not even know about this. he is not talking to you, so what!
He is your husband, you should know how best to penetrate him, if you weren’t busy frequenting Lagos! please keep me out of it!
AMARACHI: I think you should….
FUNMI: hey! stay out of this, please. stay entirely out of it!
(Amarachi’s phone rings…..)
AMARACHI: hello???
EBUKA: Hi, Amara. its Ebuka here. I am at that MTN office at the junction. could you come there right now, please. its urgent!
AMARACHI: is everything okay?
EBUKA: yes. just come.
AMARACHI: Okay. see you shortly. Nkechi, I need to go see someone at the junction now
NKECHI: hian! is everything okay, and who are you going to meet?
AMARACHI: a friend of mine. I told her I came to Abuja so she asked where about. when I told her, she said she was coming to collect her dress from her designer somewhere near the junction and asked if we could meet up. so she is right there now.
NKECHI: alright. be careful then.
AMARACHI: I will.
(Amarachi got to the junction and saw Ebuka in his car. his eyes were red and swollen; he had deafening music playing in his car that he couldn’t hear Amara calling him, so she banged on his glass)
EBUKA: oh! you are here already! perfect! get into the car please
AMARACHI: could you turn down the volume of the music, please!
EBUKA: Sure! (turns down the volume of the music, Amara got into the car and he drove her to a posh Hilton hotel. when he got to the car park, he switched off the ignition)
Amara, have you heard of revenge sex?
AMARACHI: yes. why?
EBUKA: I wanna have revenge sex with you. Now, listen, I am going to be straight forward with you. I love your body. I do not necessarily love you and I do not want a relationship with you or any other woman, as a matter of fact.
So I would like to spend some time with you in this hotel. precisely, I would like to have sex with you here today. How much would you charge me. Don’t be afraid to go into the million zone.
AMARACHI: who are you carrying out the revenge on?
EBUKA: my wife
AMARACHI: Did she cheat on you?
EBUKA: Stop asking too many questions. how much are you willing to charge
AMARACHI: Ebuka, I will not have sex with you. in fact, I will never have sex with you!
EBUKA: so why did you act as if you were dying to have me over the weekend? is it because I said I love only your body? who knows, love might come after sex. you never can tell! but I am an honest guy
AMARACHI: I know I may have acted cheap over the weekend. that is why I am not offended by you asking me for a paid sex. I am actually not cheap; but I understand, because I created that impression.
EBUKA: (opens his pigeon hole and brings out a bundle of 20 thousand naira) here, have this, get off my car and go back home, miss expensive!
AMARACHI: I am new here and I do not know my way around. so I will not put myself in any form of danger. drop me home or I am going no where!
and for your information, I traded my shame for the joy of the lord, e mean say I no dey shame. we fit create a crowd pulling scene here if you want. so get your filthy money off my face!
EBUKA: I don’t expect a slut like you to have any shame anyway. well, the last time I checked, you are going to be a graduate engineer in a few months from now. so I would expect you to be street wise and able to take yourself around with the help of your mobile phone. but since you are not as intelligent as you look, I will help.
so, there is something called Uber ride, call them and get yourself home!
AMARACHI: just so you know, I am an only daughter to a doting parents. if anything happens to me, they will die. so I will not enter into a stranger’s car. when you are done ranting, take this slut home!
EBUKA: okay! i will drop you to a place where you only need one taxi home, and i will put you into that taxi by myself. is that okay, madam Thatcher?
AMARACHI: It is not okay, Mr Hitler! home! home! home! or no where else!
(seeing that she was not willing to accept any other option, Ebuka decided to drive her home. when they got home, Ebuka went straight to his Xbox. but Amara walked all the way back to the junction and then got a cab back home, so that no one would know they went out together)
FUNMI: darling, food is ready
EBUKA: not hungry. thanks!
FUNMI: why are you not hungry. seriously, why not tell me exactly what I have done! why are you being wicked to me!
EBUKA: Funmi, do you want to tell me anything about you and your manager, Mr Osai?
FUNMI: ,Mr Osai? no. what about him?
EBUKA: Perfect then! (picks up his phone and started ringing Chima, his friend)
CHIMA: what’s up?
EBUKA: o boy, you dey house?
CHIMA: yes, i dey
EBUKA: i dey come your end, abeg
CHIMA: no wahala. see you!
(Ebuka walks out of the house and went to his friend’s house. when he left, Funmi picked up her phone and started ringing Calista)
CALISTA: hey my beautiful! are you alright?
FUNMI: no, i am not. did you tell my husband about Mr Osai and I?
CALISTA: (Pressed record on her phone so that their conversation is being recorded in her mobile phone)
you mean if i told him that you slept with Mr Osai?
FUNMI: Yes, did you?
CALISTA: wait wait! I don’t get it. do you mean the one I walked in on you having sex with him or the one you told me happened when you went to Ghana for training? i really don’t understand.
FUNMI: yes!! yes! did you tell him or anyone else about it, please!
CALISTA: Come on, babe! you know i would never do a thing like that to you!….
to be continued
