MY WIFE: Episode 18

EBUKA: (knocks knocks✊✊✊) morning ladies, can I come in, please?

NKECHI: (opens the door) come in, dede. Good morning

AMARACHI: morning, Ebuka.

EBUKA: morning, beautiful. How do you feel now?

AMARACHI: just a little giddy, but I’ll be fine.

EBUKA: are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the hospital before going to work?

AMARACHI: nah, there’s no need for that. Guess I was stressed but didn’t know it.

EBUKA: then you must rest. Actually, I’ll be going to France next week, you can come with me if you like

AMARACHI: awwww! I wouldn’t mind. I haven’t been to France before.

Ebuka: dust your passport then

NKECHI: how about me?

EBUKA: talk to your boyfriend about it

NKECHI: hehehehe! Someone is in love!

EBUKA: guilty as charged. Anyways, ladies I’m here to talk to you guys again.

Amara, if you ask Nkechi or anyone who knows me, they will tell you that I am a very straight forward guy.

I don’t take more than twenty four hours to make a decision.

When I find something I like, I don’t hesitate to pin it down and make it mine

I’ve always loved family. The feeling of sharing your entire life with that one person who completes you, is awesome.

That was why I got married at 32. Unfortunately, it was the shortest marriage ever known to man.

I take the blame. I should have listened to my mum and brother…

NKECHI: (interrupts) and Nkechi☝️

EBUKA: yes ma. Margaret Thatcher

THE GIRLS: hahahahahaha!!!!

EBUKA: so Amara, this is not going to be the most glamourous proposal because i haven’t even got any ring with me.

But again, I am a bit of a rebel. I don’t always play by the rules. I find beautiful ways of breaking man made rules…

I just wanted to obtain your permission to go see your people over the weekend, before we go to France together.

At least they need to know who their daughter is going out with.

Do I have that permission?

AMARACHI: awwww! Of course you do! But I need to call my parents and find out if the date is okay by them

EBUKA: wicked! Do so and let me know their response, please

NKECHI: (starts dancing the traditional Igbo dance)??? you guys are going to be the cutest couple in town!

EBUKA: I know. I’m very handsome ain’t I?

Not that your short bread boyfriend

NKECHI: hmmm! Leave my man alone!

EBUKA: I hold am? Alright ladies, I’ll be going to work now. There’s an emergency board meeting I need to attend.

Nkechi, look after my baby. Amara, ensure you get enough rest. I don’t want you to be ill again.

AMARACHI: I won’t be. Look after yourself at work.

(Ebuka left and Nkechi threw herself on the bed in excitement???)

NKECHI: girl! This is the first day of the best days of your life! You are going to France next week!

AMARACHI: na that one dey fear me o! Wetin I get na expired passport

NKECHI: no worries, I’ll give it to my boyfriend. His best friend works with Immigration. He’ll get you a passport before weekend

AMARACHI: this is why I love you! You have a solution to every problem.

NKECHI: what are friends for! So do you know what wedding gown you would like?

Princess or mermaid?

AMARACHI: I haven’t decided yet

NKECHI: you better start deciding now. Ebuka will take you unawares. That’s who he is.

He might call you up tomorrow and tell you that the wedding is next week.

Better stop acting like you have time, because you actually don’t.

AMARACHI: I have you, so i have no worries

NKECHI: yes, you do but I won’t choose your dress for you.

AMARACHI: wow! I can’t believe this is happening. It all started like a joke. Look where we are now!

So what are we eating today?

NKECHI: you tell me. This is your soon to be husband’s house.

AMARACHI: alright, I’ll go to the market and get a whole goat, get the butchers to cut it into pieces for me so we can make goat meat peppersoup and rice for dinner.

NKECHI: Ebuka will definitely enjoy his life henceforth.

That Yoruba woman was always cooking him all those nasty amala and even though he didn’t like it, he would pretend.

Such a lovely brother of mine!

God has seen that he deserves to be treated how he treats other people.

AMARACHI: yes, he will indeed be treated the way he treats people…

I’m happy to be honoured with that responsibility

NKECHI: you are a lucky woman, girl!

(Amara left the house pretending to have gone to the market, but went to Wuse2. She knocked on the door and Funmi who was off work opened the door for her)

FUNMI: hello, my sister!

AMARACHI: hello! Wow! the house is sparkling! You’ve been busy, I can tell.

FUNMI: come in! My friend came around to see me

AMARACHI: wow! That’s nice

(Funmi and Amara got into the dinning area where Calista was seated with a glass of cranberry juice funmi had offered her)

FUNMI: Cals, meet my sister from another mother! Amara, meet Calista!

CALISTA: awwww! Are you the Amara I’ve heard a lot about?

AMARACHI: yes. I’ve heard a lot about you too! Funmi told me what a wonderful And supportive friend you’ve been to her.

CALISTA: awww. I do like to support my fellow women as much as I can.

The world is so unfair to us, so we must stick together and become each other’s support system.

AMARACHI: I see. Anyway, nice to meet you.

CALISTA: nice to meet you too.

FUNMI: so what drink would you like. Food is not ready yet.

AMARACHI: I’m not hungry yet. I know what I’m about to say is strange and totally off the topic, but there’s something that has been going through my head. Should i tell you guys?

CALISTA: sure! Why not

AMARACHI: have you guys ever wondered what you would do, if you were Jesus and knew that Judas had betrayed you and still sitting on the same dinning table with you. Okay! Let me simplify it.

If you were in Jesus’ shoes, what would you do?

CALISTA: I’ll just pour a hot meal on him.

FUNMI: ermm! I haven’t actually thought of it. Amara, you are so weird. I don’t know…I’ll probably send him out or something

AMARACHI: Calista, you said you like supporting women right?

CALISTA: yes. It gives me Pleasure!

AMARACHI: awwww! That makes both of us! We have have that in common. I like supporting women and I will like to support you in my own little way right now.

CALISTA: awwww

AMARACHI: why don’t we start like this..(slaps her really hard across the face) you two faced disgrace to womanhood!???

FUNMI: oh my God! Amara, what are you doing! Stop it! Are you drunk or what??

CALISTA: (holding her face) Funmi you should have told me that your friend is mad so I know how to defend myself!

AMARACHI: this the human snake that told your husband that you are cheating on him. She even went ahead to send him the conversation between you guys where you admitted to sleeping with Osai.

This is the devil behind your marital problems!

FUNMI (quiet but obviously in shock) am I dreaming?…Calista? …Please tell me it’s not true….tell me you didn’t stab me at my back…tell me it’s the wrong Calista, please… Look at me Calista, look me in the eye. Did you do it?…did you?? Why? Did I wrong you in any way?… (breaks down in tears)

To be continued