ERRONEOUS WAYS TO LOVE pt5

MISSED PART 4, READ HERE

Emmanuel really was a devil in disguise
and after the night i gave him my virginity,
he changed from Emmanuel who respected
my body, to Mike who loves nothing but
sex, and it was as if his eyes opened after
our first act which i regretted, and from
that moment his attitude towards me changed.
This act then became all he knew and he
started demanding for it almost everyday
which really shocked me, for i had thought
after our first time that will be the end
of it. I was wrong and it just seemed as if
our first act turned him into a sex addict
overnight and my foolish self later gave in.
I had no option than to oblige him, just to
keep my man and prevent him from having
external affairs outside. I just want to
keep making him happy.

—————————
This really gave a big blow on my
relationship with God, i never had time for
school fellowship programs or Christian
events on campus again all because
Emmanuel was with me always, willing to
satisfy his lustful desire and moreover i felt
trap in the relationship that within myself i
loosed my prayer life and close
communication with God. I really felt a
huge guilt in me, cos i willingly gave in to
Emmanuel and now there is no way out.

————
However he never did stop caring nor
spoiling me with gifts, but then every good
deed or affection he showered on me, often
ended up with him demanding for this
rubbish act in return and i continued
playing along. He virtually owned my body
that period and i really couldn’t bring
myself to disobey him even though
sometimes i did try to stop him from
having his way with me. This would leave
him gloomy for the rest of the day and I will
finally give in to his demand just to make
him happy.
I wasn’t really happy with the way things
were going between us, because i knew God
wasn’t happy with me, but i was just
madly in love with this guy, i will say. So
there was nothing my weak self could do
“What if something happens and he dumps
me” i often did ask myself that period, but
just the thought of it would send shivers
down my spine, and i would end up saying
“GOD FORBID”
He was equally my neighbour that period,
which really made the
closeness irresistible and there really wasn’t
a way i could avoid him.
Mariam, my best friend, was also not
helpful when i finally confided in her, but i
really didn’t blame her, because she equally
wasn’t experienced even though she
behaved like a big girl…….

“Is he cheating on you?” she had asked me.
“No” i replied.
“Is he stingy?”
“No”
“Does he hide anything from you?”
“No”
“So what’s hard in rewarding him with your
body, it’s not as if you are losing anything,
moreover you aren’t a virgin anymore, and
even if you stop having it with him from
now till you die, you still won’t be a virgin
again, free yourself and enjoy it jor” she
had advised, while i stared at her and said
nothing,
I kept on thinking and pondering on that
statement she uttered. She has won my
weak-self with that, and i agreed with her
costhe mistake has been done already (peer
influence)
But then the more i gave Emmanuel my
body, the bolder he became in demanding
for more and it just looked as if he was
trying to have it all before graduating,
which really astonished me. I knew i would
still be there for him no matter where he
went, but i guess he didn’t trust me and i
never knew he had other plans in his mind
as he turned me into a love
making machine.
It soon got to a stage where i couldn’t take
the rubbish act anymore, and surprisingly it
led to our first fight.
——————————–
As these memories flashed back in my
mind, my body shook as i cried deeply.
The memory really was so painful cos it
was the first time a guy laid his hands on
me.

—————————-
It all happened one fateful evening when we
were together in his room, he carried me on
his laps and started his foolish act on my
foolish self
“Baby you smell nice” he said to me while i
blushed, and truthfully Emmanuel really is a
master of sweet words which he always
used on me. (That was my greatest weak
point)
“What is it baby? Sit up nah” he said as he
drew my hand in order for me to sit up but
i refused, which left him extremely
surprised.
“what is the matter?” he asked
“I can’t do it” i replied, and he smiled.
He was surprised, he asked why?
“I won’t cos i don’t like it” i said arrogantly,
while he stared at me as i got up from his
bed and dressed up. His eyes burned
furiously as he watched me.
“Baby why are you so selfish?” he finally
asked,(what a foolish statement i
wondered)
“You are the one very selfish all you now
know is this rubbish act, just see how
skinny you have become” i replied with a
hurtful tone, which really was a big mistake
and it earned me two powerful slaps on my
face while i held my jaw and stared at him
in shock and disbelief…OMG!
I stared at him angrily and in shock for a
while, before rushing back to my room in
tears.
“Baby i’m sorry” I heard him apologise as
he followed me but i shut my door and
locked it before he could enter. I really was
so hurt that day cos i never believed
Emmanuel would ever lay his hand on me.
Tears flowed freely from my eyes as i
remembered how i felt that day. “Why am i
even remembering all these?” i asked myself
as i cleaned my eyes, but then it was my
feelings for Samuel which was bringing my
past experience back to my head, and i had
no control over it.
I soon heard a steady knock on my door
Who was it?
Checkout in the next episode
—————————–