MY WIFE – Episode 2

CALISTA: it must be difficult for you being married in an Ibo family when you are Yoruba..

FUNMI: not really. Well, since I got married I haven’t actually had any problems with my in-laws. Not sure if it’s too early to say they are nice.

Calista: way too early. You’ve only been married for 4 months isn’t it?

Funmi: four days shy of four months

Calista: your marriage is still an embryo

Funmi: hehehehe! Excuse me, Cals I need to ring my husband now. He should be on break.

Calista: alright, hun

Funmi: (??????)

EBUKA: hello, sweetheart , you’re alright?

FUNMI: not really; I miss you?

EBUKA: I know you love this handsome Igbo prince. So how much do you miss him?

FUNMI: don’t you start feeling on top of the nation. Hahahaha! How has your day been so far?

EBUKA: well, busy as always. I’ve just rounded up a board meeting about 30 minutes ago. By the way! All the guys in the office love my shirt and want to know where I got it from, and I told them wifey got it for me. The single ones all want to get married now. Hahahaha!

Thanks, my beautiful!

FUNMI: that is what you get when you marry a Yoruba queen?

EBUKA: Hey! Don’t go there! Have you had something to eat yet?

FUNMI: no, we just went on break and I decided to ring you first before going out for lunch with Calista. So what would you like for supper? I finish at 4pm today so I’ll head straight to the market.

EBUKA: can we have amala today, please?

FUNMI: Oh! I forgot to mention! Kechi came this morning so I wouldn’t know if she would like it

EBUKA: Nkechi came? When? Is everything okay? How’s my mum??

FUNMI: she turned up while I was about leaving. She said everyone was okay

EBUKA: nah! This habit of showing up in my house when she likes has to stop. What does it take to send me a message that she is coming over! Anyway, I’ll have some serious conversation with her when I get home.

My family do not like Yoruba food at all, so Consider cooking rice or anything else then.

FUNMI: alright. Make sure you eat something as well.

EBUKA: I will, baby. I’ll love you and leave you now. Let me know when you are leaving and drive carefully.

FUNMI: I will. Love you.

EBUKA: love you too, baby. Bye!

????????????????

NKECHI: dede! You came back early!

EBUKA: it’s 5pm that’s my normal closing time. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming or Funmi?

NKECHI: I had no credit.

EBUKA: you were online on whatsapp this morning so don’t tell me you had no credit. Besides, I paid in three hundred thousand naira in your account on the 29th of March. So?

NKECHI: ?? but I can come to your house when I want!

EBUKA: Nkechi, I hope you haven’t been too spoilt that you no longer have manners. Common sense should tell you that I am married now and some things may change! How is mama?

NKECHI: I don’t know!

EBUKA: meaning???

NKECHI: I came straight from Portharcourt!

EBUKA: how was your exams?

NKECHI: don’t ask me!?

EBUKA: I haven’t got your time. I’m tired and hungry. Sweetheart! Sweetheart I’m home!

FUNMI: (from the kitchen) registered! Welcome, darling. Go have your shower and food will be ready before you are out

EBUKA: not even a hug. She just asked me to go and shower as if I stink. Where is the Love baby, where is the Love???

FUNMI: Oh no! Baby. I’m all sweaty and greasy. giving you a hug would ruin your clothes

EBUKA: not sure banking was the right profession for you. You should have studied law

FUNMI: hahahahahaha!!!????

NKECHI: (mumbles) always loud and lousy! Mtcheeeew!

FUNMI: Kechi! Kechi! Kechi!

EBUKA: Nkechi!!! Can’t you hear Funmi!!!

NKECHI: I can hear her but she isn’t calling my name because my name is not Kechi. My name is Nkechi!

FUNMI: what’s the difference!

NKECHI: the difference is that Nkechi means God’s own while Kechi has no meaning! If you are going to marry an Igbo man, your first assignment should have been to learn the Igbo language and not to learn how !

FUNMI: hehehehe! Nkechi, I am only 4 months in marriage. I’ll learn your language if you give me some time, madam!?

NKECHI: whatever!

EBUKA: watch it!!! Gini na eme gi!!!(what’s wrong with you)

NKECHI: dede hapum aka biko! (Brother, Leave me alone, please!)

FUNMI: anyways, I was calling to let you know that food is ready. You can serve yourself when you are ready to eat

NKECHI: Heard!